If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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