They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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