yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
