Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
