Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
