He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
