remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
