Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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