Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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