I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
