Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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