listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
