Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
