the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
