So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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