I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
third nipple confirmed
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
