now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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