I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
