Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My pussy is not your playground.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize