Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize