And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
