Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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