How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
