I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
