How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
