Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
