Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize