I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
