Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize