Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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