Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
