where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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