So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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