i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
