Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
