Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this will be a night to untag.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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