It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
