I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
