The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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