Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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