I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize