I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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