I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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