I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
