guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish I only lived at night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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