He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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