Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize