remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize