Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
