I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
