I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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