Only a mothe r could love this liver
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
