Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
