I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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