you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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