GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
