Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
