Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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