Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
