He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
soo... how was my night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
