Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
