He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
