This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
