3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
