hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
